Three weeks has gone and now I am already heading into my fourth week back to work after my ten month maternity leave.
How I am feeling? Pretty rubbish to be honest. I am sat in an office 5 days a week doing a full time job. I should be at home enjoying every little moment of my baby boy growing up. I miss his smiles all day long and I miss all the stuff we used to do together.
I don't even get to feed my son Monday to Friday anymore as he has breakfast, lunch and dinner while I am at work. I miss not being able to feed him. How will I know when and how he develops in this area.
His first full day at nursery did not go too well. When I turned up to collect him his eyes were all red where he had been crying most of the afternoon. He never cries to that extreme. He had a red mark on his head but he is all over the place now he is crawling so didn't let that bother me too much. What did bother me was when I collected him I expected a big smile as he would be happy to see his Mummy. He always smiles when I go to pick him up from places. But no not today I couldn't get one smile from him. I got in the car with him and cried as I felt bad for so many reasons. Does he hate me for leaving him all day with people he does not know? Does he miss me too much? Am I a rubbish mummy for going back to work full time? So many things are going on in my head but I need to just get on with it and hopefully this week when he goes I get a happy Sonny when I collect him.
Luckily nursery is only one day a week and family are helping out the other four days. He is much happier with his Nanny's on the other days and full of smiles.
So I am finding it tough but I knew it was never going to be easy.
That's just life though and I have to get on with it and hope it gets easy as the weeks pass. I will look forward to my next day or week that I have off with him and make the most of every moment.
Weekend are so special to me now and I will be making fun plans, so that Sonny has a good time with me while he is with me.
Thanks for reading. Let me know your experiences of returning to work after having a baby. Maybe you have some tips to make it easier for me. Please comment below if you do have any.